From eating your dinner To standing in your underwear in front of your mam, in less than 10 seconds

Eww i just had the worst experiece of my life, maybe even worse than the time i thought i was gonna die at the muse gig.

I was just sat eating my sunday dinner with my mam, cutting up my yorkshire puddings to be precise, when i look down only to find a fucking spider on my leg. Not even the part of the leg thats furthest away from me, oh no, the bastard was on my thigh. I just kind of froze and made a strange noise, and my mam was like "what?" as if i was some kind of retard.
Me: "spider on me" (still frozen) it was like i could only move my eyeballs. I was too scared to knock it off cause i didnt want to put my hand anywhere near it, so i made a very feeble attempt at blowing it off (easy now) , i could only muster a small breath though and the spider was already on its merry way up my skirt.
So i put down my knife and fork, (i think, i actually dont remember moving from the sitting position to standing up) and my mams going "take your skirt off!!" And i was 50/50 on weather i wanted to just stand still and hope that superman would fly through the window and erradicate the horrible little 8-legged bastard, or weather to just whip it off. Anyway i guess my brain was shouting "strip! strip!" But i was stil in slow motion cause i was fucking scared i'd peel down my skirt and it'd still be on me. At least at that moment i was better off not knowing where it was, than knowing it was definately on me. So the skirt came off. I had to be wearing the shortest denim skirt i own didnt i. Smartass. Could have worn jeans but noooo Bianca, you just wear some spider friendly clothing today. (to be fair though it was raining when i went out today and i didnt fancy walking around tesco with soggy jeans and converse)
As if i wasnt tortured enough i was wearing a long sleeved top as well, so then i was dead paranoid that it was up my arms. And like an idiot i'd decided to wear 2 pairs of tights today, so i was shitting myself taking the top pair off.
So yeah, not a fun way to enjoy your sundays, teetering around your front room in only your bra and a pair of tights while repeatedly asking your mam "are you sure its not on me?"

Fucking spidery bastards. No more will i try i get them out of the house with a glass and some card, as of today any spiders that cross my path WILL be splattered. Feel my wrath bastards!!!