LastFM OCD

Got a touch of OCD on Last FM the other day. I just had a mega strong urge to make all the numbers of plays on my top 8 artists even. Got the top four evened out, until I miscalculated and gave an extra play to Bon Iver. At which point I gave up.


Last Fm is interesting though, its a pretty good idea, I like to keep track of whatever I've been listening to. I would never have expected YYY's to be my top artist, though I do love them. I love all those bands in my top 8 though. Interesting that The Smiths and Bon Iver are currently neck and neck, though I have a suspicion that if Bon Iver had as many songs on Spotify as The Smiths, they'd probably just have the edge. Also I would like to mention my disappointment that Spotify has no Arcade Fire and I also suspect that if they did, they would be my top artist by a country mile. As well as my mentioning it, I would like to make a pledge to anyone reading this who might have a host of Arcade Fire mp3's, to please send them my way. I really miss listening to them. Any takers can email me, my email address is in my profile, should you be so kind.

Now thats out of the way, the updates on my aunties bonfire party are as follows.
Got there at around 6.30, sat around not really doing anything for about 5 minutes because nobody was there yet who wasn't a Brown. Picked a few wotsits off the food table, had a glass of WKD (blue) that an adult bought me for my birthday that I had taken round. I'm 24, I guess old(er) people think that thats all young people like to drink. Anyway, it was the thought that counts so I'm not gonna bitch about someone buying me WKDS. Also I had topped the bottle up before I went round with extra vodka. After that 3 of my aunties neighbours arrived, they're real nice oldish women. Then I stuffed my face with party food whilst drinking more blue stuff, and one glass of wine. And then chocolate gateaux. Went out onto the front to watch the fireworks at around 7.30, they were pretty lovely. Not so lovely was my aunties bald fat neighbour coming out in a T-shirt and boxers. This is the second time I've seen this man in his boxers. Anyway the less said about him/that, the better. I didn't want to watch the whole display through a viewfinder (and I had no idea about the settings, apart from some vague Internet instructions that I couldn't remember) so I only took a handful of photos (unlike bald fatman who snapped away for pretty much the entire thing)
I know they didn't turn out properly, but here's just one for now. I'll post the rest later.

(this was photo number 3333 on my camera)

Glammed it up a little bit, not so much with clothes but I wore some make up. As you can see I'm venturing out into the world of red lipstick. Tricky because I know fuck all about lipstick, its all about "underlying tones" and all that crap that I don't know/give a damn about. Also when I think of red lipstick, I almost always think of this http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=fashion which sort of worries me. But seeing as it was night time, and I was only going round my aunties, and I was in a glammy sort of mood, I went for it. I'll do some further testing regarding the red lippy and get back to you.
I took the bonfire night opportunity to add a bit of glitter and teeny tiny stars to my face. They didn't show up on this picture, but they were there, somewhere.

So anyway that about covers it. It is now the 8th of November, already. (buy a poppy, people!) About 5-7 days untill the time of year last year when I got the ball rolling on being an Elf. More on that as/when/if it happens. My mam told me its going to be horrible weather tomorrow, I'm going to wear my massive red jumper. If I can find it.

Till next time...

Martin Hughes-Games

Is who I currently fancy the pants off. I've had a crush on him for about a year, and he is beautiful. He is also 54 which makes him a nice round 30 years older than me. 6 years longer than I've even been in existence. Other than bed-man*, I've never really had a crush on someone old enough to be my father, but MHG just sort of, makes me go all weak. He rides a motorbike and is a vegetarian, which are the sort of things that wouldn't really occur to me in regards to people I fancy, but on him, kind of makes him about 5 times more attractive to me than he already was. Add to that the floppy messy curly hair, the smooth voice and the fact that he's into wildlife and stuff, and I'm in swoonville.
AND on auntumwatch last night he was wearing a tweed suit, and for a few delectable seconds spoke french. Or maybe he put on a french accent, I can't remember which because I was too busy A) trying to act cool in front of my mam and trying not to reveal how much I fancied him, B) thinking that it was a good job I was sitting down because my knees might have actually buckled otherwise and C) my brain was struggling with processing MHG in tweed, speaking french.
Anyway that about wraps it up, I won't post a picture because I can't find a decent one of him, and my friends already think I have bad taste.
Just watch Autumnwatch on Thursday ok?
I should also add that for the last few weeks, I've been more excited about watching AW than about nevermind the buzzcocks which comes afterwards.
What is happening to me?!

*
http://biancapol.blogspot.com/2009/10/bed-man.html

Parties and old tv programes

Ten past two, Friday afternoon. I've just painted my nails metallic blue, you may or may not be interested to learn. I wanted something glitzy and glamorous cause its bonfire night tonight and my auntie is having a sort of bonfire party. I'll probably be the youngest there, probably by about two decades now I think about it, but actually I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to stuff my face with party food, and then I'm going to get drunk on the provided wine, or maybe I'll do that in the reverse order, or maybe I'll just eat and drink at the same time. I'm going to get dressed up, because it is a party after all and I haven't dressed up for anything in ages and I'm sort of having an urge to wear ginormous heels, and put on makeup. My auntie lives real close to the town, and thanks to her street being where it is, we get a pretty good view of the fireworks without having to go into town and be packed in like sardines. Hopefully, we'll also be far enough away that we can't hear the Bollywood music which is the theme for this years display. I hate Bollywood. If our luck is really in, we'll also be out of hearing range of last years X-factor winner Joe McElderry performing his new song "Ambitions" (I doubt it was his ambition to come to Stockton On Tees). Speaking of X-factor, I will freely admit that I have been watching it this year, and if Wagner Carrilho was in town instead of the pretty crap joe, I would definately brave the crowds and go see him, because he is ACE.
Cagney and Lacey is on at the moment, so I'm watching that in the background. It's so good!! I don't know why I like it so much, or how I even got into it. I hate all those other crap detective and murder mystery programmes, this one is great though. Actually I probably love it because I love new york, and I especially love old footage of New York in the 70's and 80's. If anyone's seen the film "Coming to America" (mint film by the way), you'll know what I mean, that bit where they first move to Queens? Yeah, amazing.
Also Cag and Lace has a miiint theme tune. Its just a whole bundle of cool things. You should maybe watch it sometime. And definitely watch Coming to America

Halloween and soup

So. Halloween was upon us. Seeing as I wasn't doing anything, my mam bought me a pumpkin. These are the results.

My very first pumpkin, so I was pretty happy with how it turned out. It was messy and fidgety but worth it, and I enjoyed making him. Spent proper ages fishing out the hundreds of seeds that were inside and separating them from the weird pulpy stuff, and then washing them and then drying them. I had planned on making pumpkin soup with the innards see, but it was only afterwards when I googled how to make the soup, I realised its the hard shell bits you need, not the stringy wet stuff. Anyway, I asked my soup making auntie if it was alright to use it anyway, and she said yeah, she did. So that's OK then, I thought I'd use it after all, might as well use the whole thing.

This evening I got to work on it, chopped up my pumpkin, got rid of all the skin and bits I couldn't use, did everything, made the soup, and then when it got to the blending I realised that when I had borrowed my aunties blender, she failed to put the blades in with it. I was gutted, I was really looking forward to my soup and now I'll have to wait another bladdy day. I'll let you know how I get on. Also I had so much pumpkin that it wouldn't all fit into the biggest pan we have, so I'm gonna make another batch, with chili and peppers and curry powder. Works out nicely all round. ALSO I'm going to toast the seeds with some nice flavours and eat them too. Not too sure how I feel about eating seeds, theres something about it that makes me feel a bit wrong and uncomfortable. But that's probably down to a childhood link to someone telling me if I ate apple seeds an apple tree would grow inside me.

Anyway. Carried on thinking about the orphanages thing, went on a bit of a mad researching spree. Sent off for and received information packs from about 3 companies, actually got a phone call from an American woman from one of the companies which was unexpected but good I guess. It all looks great, its something I'm most definitely doing, I'm certain I want it to be Romania seeing as I went there before and it just really appeals to me. But there is a deep cynical streak running through me about these companies, which is odd cause I'm never really cynical about anything much, but I just worry that the money you pay to these companies isn't going to go to the projects you're going to. They're pricey these things, and I have absolutely no problem paying that much, If the majority is going to, say, the orphanage I'll be going to or whatever. I would hate it if the company just took most of it for themselves.
Anyway, all that just got me thinking I can't really allow myself to get into all that until I have a goddamn job.

I've been thinking recently about being an elf again. The last couple of months I've been toying with the idea generally, but I'm so fickle about it, at first I was really into the idea of getting a job as an elf at the Metro Centre, because I fucking love the Metro Centre for some weird and completely inexplicable reason, and their grotto's are amaaazing. And I though, ohh yeahh ace, I can get the train there and back, it'll be proper bo. But then I changed my mind and though ohh I can't really be arsed, trekking that far twice a day in the cold and dark. Tossed that up and down a few times, concluded that I didn't really want to do it after all.
More recently I figured I'd get a Christmas job around about now, but just a few days ago I realised that shop jobs are just so shit at crimbo, just being rushed and stressed off your feet the entire time, most of the time they make you work boxing day and new years eve/day. And then you're finished. You've done all the dog work, thanks, cya next year.
That made me think, maybe I should go for my elf job of last year again. Theres something making me think it'd be kind of lame, going back, they'll all be "oh so what did you do since last year?" and I'll just be all "umm ohh, well fuck all".
That said, that's a stupid reason not to do something I enjoyed loads last time I did it. It was great in that we got paid weekly and only had one late night shift each week and obviously Christmas eve was the last day you worked. And just how much I enjoyed it generally. Milling about the mall on occasional quiet spells, playing with the toys on the toy stall behind the grotto, and facing a sweet stall at the other side. It was actually perfect. Remembering all that stuff, (combined with being totally broke and wanting to do loads of stuff in the next couple of months) really really encourages me to do it all again. In the end, I probably will.

I'll shut up now, exept to say that last week I discovered Joan Armatrading and she's ace.

Adopting

Ever since this http://biancapol.blogspot.com/2010/05/chinese-babies.html I've been thinking about adopting. Not thinking as in considering and want to do it immediately, thinking about the whole thing in general. There are a lot of good blogs about families who have adopted, though the only ones I've found are basically American families who have adopted from China. There is only one I follow, it was just one I randomly found somehow and it charts the entire thing of how this one Jewish family in I think Florida adopted first a girl from China and then a little boy with a few medical problems. They only very recently found out that the girl the adopted has a rare eye condition and eventually she's going to go completely blind. She's 5. Anyway here's the link to their blog, in case yr interested http://stressisthenewblack.blogspot.com/. Basically they just seem like a really really warm loving family, genuinely nice people with normal lives and all that.

At the other end of the spectrum I've came across what I find personally to be some really dark shit. This actually happened ages ago but I can't shake it out of my head, and I really fucking wish I could. I didn't save the link because at the time I didn't think I would think any more about it. Basically it was this American couple, pretty religious, and they got some "sign from god" that he wanted them to adopt. So off they trotted to this orphanage in Russia, to see a girl they were hoping to adopt. In the end it didn't come through with that girl because of weird shoddy Russian laws and all that jazz. But the woman that was writing this blog, was saying how heart breaking it was that all these little tiny innocent kids were living lives they didn't deserve to be living, and how could god allow this to be? When, And I quote "I was gently reminded by a friend that it was our sins that put these children here, not god"

Urgh. What the fuck? The whole what I think about religion thing is opening up a can of worms that I don't really wanna end up going on and on about on here right now. But in my looking through quite a lot of adoption blogs, pretty much all of them have been written by families who have adopted and who are, if I may take an immature detour just temporarily, proper bible bashers.
I'm trying to post my argument in solid and mature way but I'm finding it really hard without having to thoroughly explain myself and rambling even more.
I just think having your life so completely ruled by it, I don't know, it just seems so unnatural to me. And to be honest, I think its more than a little creepy. On the other hand (damn being a Libra!) sometimes I think that if they're not pushing it on me, who am I to say all this, right? Each to their own, its not like they're hurting anyone.

But back to business, I'm not generally shocked by much, but that line shocked me. Sins, its a weird one, and I feel a bit foolish writing all this when I don't have the knowledge even properly back up my argument, but anyway I just wiki'd the term "sin" -

• Sin is often used to mean an action that is prohibited or considered wrong; in some religions (notably in Christianity), sin can refer not only to physical actions taken, but also to thoughts and internalized motivations and feelings. Colloquially, any thought, word, or act considered immoral, shameful, harmful, or alienating might be termed "sinful".
  
• Food, for example, while a necessary good for the (health of the temporal) body, is not of (eternal) transcendental living and therefore its excessive savoring is considered a sin.

So, because I want to bang Rafael Nadal, and because I fucking loved that Sunday roast followed by lemon cheesecake that I ate for dinner and dessert today, I'm putting innocent little children into orphanages. Add to that the countless sins I must be committing each hour, phew, I don't wanna think about how many little babies I'm effectively sending to a life of poverty and shit.

It is not our fault that these kids are in orphanages.

It just makes me feel very frustrated that people who believe such horseshit are adopting these kids. Its like they just don't have a clue about how the real world works and they're just living in some crazy dream world.
Maybe they would argue that someone who swears so much shouldn't bring up kids either.

Anyway like always when I start things like this, I'm running out of momentum to carry it on, so I'll end this part here.

PART 2!

alright moving onto a less ranty side of this.
The more I read about it, the more certain I become that one day I'm going to do it. Each little bit I read, each little piece of information just cements it further. Though I honestly can't pinpoint why, one certain reason. Because its a nice thing to do? Well yeah but that's not the sole reason. Because I can't have my own kids? I'm too young to know that, but I'm pretty sure I'll be able to have kids fine. And its irrelevant anyway cause I still want to do it even when I do have my own. So no, that's not it. I guess, what it comes down to is that it feels like a natural thing to do. To me anyway. If I could take and love every oprhaned and abandoned child, I would do it in a heartbeat. As it stands I can probably only take a few. The adoption process is lengthy and heartwrenching and expensive. I really hope one day I'm able to do it.

The other day I came across this website, adoption.com. I only stayed on it a little while, partly due to my restless nature that day and partly because it was just so achingly sad. Its a bit of a shit website, not a proper agency one or anything. I clicked into the browse section, and found this little boy -

Isn't he just the most gorgeous little thing you've ever seen? I just think his face is SO sweet, and his messy curly hair just springing out of the top of his lovely head.
He's 4, and I don't know where exactly he's from other than Europe (shit website)
But his name is Ruslan, and he has Cerebrospinal partial Aplasia of the lower part of the spine, partial hypoplasia of pelvis bones.
I have no idea what this means. I sat for what felt like ages but was only really a minute or so, just staring at his picture and wondering about him. I just wanted to hold him cuddle him and make him feel that someone loved him, and somehow just make him healthy and not riddled with that horrible condition.http://photolisting.adoption.com/international/children/ruslan-20692 Here's his link, you can see for yourself how random and crap that website is.
I wanted to know more about him but there really is fuck all. I guess I just needed to know that someone wanted him or had already adopted him, that he hadn't been left somewhere while all the healthy kids get picked around him. I hope so.

After all that, I thought back to something I'm pretty sure I've yet to write on this blog, because it happened before it was created. But four years ago I did a college course whereby they took us to Romania. I stayed there with a group of people my age, for three weeks, to renovate the P.E hall in a special needs school. I won't write too much about it cause I'll save that for another post, but in conclusion it was fucking amazing, I had such a great time. So while we were there, I didn't see any kids like Ruslan in the special needs school. There was one or two who were quite clearly special needs but mostly I think they were just learning difficulties and nothing so serious. The school wasn't properly top notch but it wasn't bad at all.
We visited an orphanage one time. It was where two of our guides lived, they were lads of about 16. I wish I remembered more and took more notice, but the orphanage had a good atmosphere and as far as I could tell this one was definitely one for older kids.
Anyway, where am I going with this, I don't know.

But finding Ruslan on that website, and remembering the pictures from the woman mentioned above's blog, and things I've seen on TV, just made me seriously start to think maybe I should do something like that again. Go to an orphanage, help out, give some kids a friendly face and some goddamn love.

Right, that's it for now. More later probably.

Sky, funfair, kaleidoscope, and other things

I'll kick this off with something cool and amusing (to me anyway) that I found and or did today.
I have one of those crystal heart things, won from a 2p machine. I always put it up to my eye and look at stuff and experience how a fly must see. Today it occurred to me that I could just shove it in front of my camera lens and probably do the same thing. Kept me amused for a while. Here are the results.

Anyway other than that, I can't say I have much else to report. Went to Yarm fair last week with mon mam and auntie. Its a weird little tradition we've somehow adopted. We go every year, walk up and down a couple of times, laugh at people on rides, and then go home again without even going on anything. I don't mind though, not going on anything. Its nice to walk around and stuff. Not as nice as it used to be though, I remember once a few years ago when they were allowed to have little bonfires, the travellers with their old fashioned caravans and there would be the odd horse there too. I don't think they are allowed either now. But I'm not sure, maybe they are but just don't any more. Either way its a shame, cause that really distinct smell of their little bonfires and the smoke in the air, really was the essence of the fair to me. And it seems lacking something big without it. Also whenever we've been, I always really really want to go to one of the fortune tellers, on the whole I guess I don't really believe them, they're most probably just out to rip you off, but I'm still really interested in what they'd say to me, if it would make sense, if it came true one day! I still would love to though, and I still don't know why I never do see one when it comes down to it. Maybe next year. Anyway these aren't very good but here's a couple of pictures.

So that just about covers it for pictures. I was going to take one of my street, it was so full of leaves, but the other day I said to my mam as we were going in the house "there doesn't look as many leaves today" and she said "yeah two workmen came and cleared them all up". I was pretty gutted, the street looked so lovely, just so many leaves. The tree to leaves ratio seemed a lot off, in the way that there seemed to be more leaves than was possible considering there isn't that many trees. It was probably right really, I guess leaves isn't something I think about a whole lot. Also it seemed like a pointless thing to do, not just cause its pretty much an impossible task trying to clear them all away, but its unnecessary as well, I mean nature sorts its self out, on the whole. I'll take a picture when the street is re-filled.

Well I'm running out of things to say in this post, so I'll leaf it here (geddit?!)

I just remembered

I was just having a bit of a slow Smashing Pumpkins song fest thanks to spotify, scrolling through the list, when suddenly I noticed a song called "This Time", I haven't listened to it in a long long time, it truly was wedged deep in the back of my memory, but the instant I saw the name it it came right back at me.
I thought "woahhh I remember that! Its a mint song!". And it really really is, ace intro, everything about it, its just so good, and kind of (totally) heartbreaking. There was a time in my life when it really spoke to me. But I really did (and still do) absoloutely love that song. Ahhh. So good. Really gutted that it just totally slipped my mind for so long. It wont again.
Here it is-