I killed a spider today.

I felt a little guilty at the time, but just typing out that title, the guilt hit me properly. It was a pea-body, the variety of spider I hate the most, but s/he didn't deserve to die I guess.
I've been growing sunflowers see, and I think they're going to turn out to be pretty beautiful, however when I moved them into a bigger pot as they grew, the stupid pots I used didn't have any holes in the bottom, and being the novice gardener that I am, I didn't think to check this before adding a load of compost and the sunnies. And seeing as its been raining fucking loads recently, it just got really waterlogged and the leaves on the bottom started turning yellow, so I googled it and sure enough its because its been over-watered. Anyway, when I first planted them, I ran out of compost and it was only about two 3rd's full. So I got some more the other day, and this afternoon I replaced the rubbish soggy stuff with the nice fresh stuff. This also gave me chance to try to put some holes in the bottom of the pot. So I did that. Then when I was about to pour the compost back in again, something tiny caught my eye in the little bit of soggy compost that was left in the bottom of the pot. I must have really good eye sight, I don't know how I even noticed it, but just as I was about to start pouring, I seen a tiny thing moving, it was about as wide as a hair, but it was moving, I was pretty intrigued so I dug around (gently) a bit and there was this little pea-body (not as horrible as the full size ones, but I still didn't want to go near it). I dunno if it was proper trapped, but the little wispy thing I'd noticed was one of its little legs, waving back and forth as if to say "I'm stuck under here, help". Like I imagine an avalanche victim would when trapped under a lot of snow.

So I tried to poke it out with a garden cane, this didn't really help, just sort of moved the sloppy mud about, so i got impatient and just sort of scooped it out with a spoon that I'd been using ages ago in the yard for other various gardening efforts. I could have put it down gently, and made sure it was ok, but I was getting really impatient at this point, I'd already knocked two pea body's off the pot when it was upturned when I was trying to put the holes in, and they were annoying me. I just sort of slopped the globule of wet muddy on the floor and then got on with the job at hand. I figured spiders are pretty hardy (even though pea body spiders are wispy as fuck) and that it'd be ok, and hey, at least I tried to get it out right, that's better than burying it with heavy soil right? But a bit later when I'd finished, I went to check and It was still there, lying motionless I think.

So yes, upon reflection, I do feel really guilty. I'll double check tomorrow but I'm pretty sure it did die. And i know "it was only a spider", and I don't even like them, but aw, poor thing.
I'm such a tool I know, but I just can't kill anything, even if there's a giant spider in the house, I'm scared as hell of it, but its always left to me to get it out, cause my mam would just kill it if I didn't.
When I was a kid, I would go around the fences in my garden, and If i seen any flies in spider webs that were still moving, I would pick them out and try to rescue them. Maybe I should become a Buddhist.

Ok, spider homicide aside (see what I did there), what else do I have to say. Naaawt really.
Interesting results from my last poll. The comments were my friend messing around, but she said she only voted once. For the longest time it just had one vote for Yes, which was intriguing. Its all pretty stupid though, It might not have even been by who ever it was, I'll never really know will I. Well, nevermind, no point dwelling on it I suppose.
I went to Scarborough with my mam and auntie and their friend on Tuesday, it was mostly pretty nice but with a couple of large chunks of not so nice chucked in. I'll write about that in a different blog though cause this one is pretty long already. I got a proper mint hat.

I want something to eat, I'm not even hungry though, I'm just being a greedy twat, I probably wont cave cause I've already brushed my teeth, But I could just go for some, I dunno what I want actually, something sweet, Flapjacks maybe. I bought golden syrup the other day cause I made american style fat pancakes, they turned out ok but took ages to make. Anyway yeah, maybe I'l go to town tomorrow and buy rolled oats and indeed make flapjacks.

Good

P.S, I found this on Ebay the other day, I think its even worse than the squirrels.

*shudder*