People on facebook are moaning about being sunburned. Sunburned, sunburnt? Anyway, i dunno, i just don't get it. I mean, you have to be out in the sun a fairly long time before it starts to turn you red right? Surely people who get sunburnt/ed, have been sunburnt/ed before? I think?
I was at a car boot sale on Saturday (more on that laterr) and i seen the reddest arms I've ever seen before, on this woman, it looked really fucking bad. And i seen a woman outside a pub today who was also red as fuck. But how hard is it to work out that hot sun = roasted flesh? All you have to do is just slather on a bit of suncream.
Personally, in my 22 years on this planet, I've managed to notice/figure out/realise, that with my heritage, I'm a bit of a lucky bastard in that i just don't burn in the sun. I know last year on one of the few days it was sunny, i came home and when i looked in the mirror that night, noticed that my cheeks were a bit red. It was pretty funny, and i was surprised cause it'd never happened before, but it didn't hurt, i didn't even notice it had happened till i looked. Subsequently, i was aware that maybe i should be careful about my face in regards the sun right. And I've been alright ever since, i know if its a bit hot now, simply keep my face shaded. Simples, as that Russian meerkat would say.
So, i mean, is it really that hard to comprehend? Why the big deal, i don't understand how so many people end up sunburned each year, and then we're all lumbered with listening to them complain about it like fucking idiots.
Maybe its cause the ozone layer is getting thinner every year, thus every year the sun gets hotter, thus people who have never been burned before, are getting burned. I'm open to that, but i dunnoo, ack. Just, surely all these sunburned people I'm seeing, surely this can't be the first time they've ever been affected? People must know their skin type, know this might happen to them?
Maybe I'm over-estimating people. Maybe people are fucking idiots.
Monday, 25 May 2009
My quickest moment
"There it is Homer the smartest thing you will ever say and no one was around to hear it"
I was thinking about this in the back of the car the other day, i have no idea what train of thought led me to it, but it made me stifle a laugh, and sometimes i think of the moment fondly, and am kind of sad, because it all happened so fast, I'll probably never have a moment of quick wit quite like it ever again. And seeing as only two other people witnessed it (probably a good thing at the time though really), i figured i should share it, even if i am blowing my own trumpet a bit, it was pretty hilarious. I hope it translates onto here, and wont sound like a shit un-funny joke.
A few years ago i had a job (believe it or not) in a warehouse in Eaglescliffe, packing make-up for virgin-vie. Anyway, one day, we were all on our break, there was about 20 of us in the break room. And there was this one woman, she was alright like, but she was quite large, not massively overweight, but quite large, and just ever so slightly smelly. Like i said, she was nice enough i suppose, but a bit of a gobshite, and she was happily regaling everyone with stories from her latest holiday abroad, which she had recently came back from.
"oh" she said loudly "you've seen nowt till you've seen me belly-dancing, that'll open your eyes"
This was it, my chance, i don't even remember the quip forming in my brain before, with ninja speed and stealth, under my breath, i came out with
"It'll shut em"
Aha ahhhh. I really hope this sounds as funny as it actually was.
My two workmates were sat with me at the time, and the lady in question was quite close by, she didnt hear, luckily, but i think she did get suspicious at why my two mates were corpsing.
Good times. Oh god, i hate that phrase. Damn you JLC.
Shut up bianca.
I was thinking about this in the back of the car the other day, i have no idea what train of thought led me to it, but it made me stifle a laugh, and sometimes i think of the moment fondly, and am kind of sad, because it all happened so fast, I'll probably never have a moment of quick wit quite like it ever again. And seeing as only two other people witnessed it (probably a good thing at the time though really), i figured i should share it, even if i am blowing my own trumpet a bit, it was pretty hilarious. I hope it translates onto here, and wont sound like a shit un-funny joke.
A few years ago i had a job (believe it or not) in a warehouse in Eaglescliffe, packing make-up for virgin-vie. Anyway, one day, we were all on our break, there was about 20 of us in the break room. And there was this one woman, she was alright like, but she was quite large, not massively overweight, but quite large, and just ever so slightly smelly. Like i said, she was nice enough i suppose, but a bit of a gobshite, and she was happily regaling everyone with stories from her latest holiday abroad, which she had recently came back from.
"oh" she said loudly "you've seen nowt till you've seen me belly-dancing, that'll open your eyes"
This was it, my chance, i don't even remember the quip forming in my brain before, with ninja speed and stealth, under my breath, i came out with
"It'll shut em"
Aha ahhhh. I really hope this sounds as funny as it actually was.
My two workmates were sat with me at the time, and the lady in question was quite close by, she didnt hear, luckily, but i think she did get suspicious at why my two mates were corpsing.
Good times. Oh god, i hate that phrase. Damn you JLC.
Shut up bianca.
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Ahahaa
Im watching Embarassing Bodies on channel 4, and im pretty sure i just heard someone use the phrase "intimate fluid". Best name for jizz ever. Im pretty sure thats what they were talking about, they were on about erectile dysfunction just now so i guess it was. ahahh. Ahh.
Last night i dreamt i kissed alex zane, Cha-chingggg. Didnt get to see any of his intimate fluid though. Pretty strange series of dreams last night like, including seeing a dog get clipped by a bus, but then just sort of vanishing, being in a very small (like the size of a shower cubicle) police station waiting room with lots of other people, aaand last but not least dumping a paste table outside someones house because we (whoever i was with, i dunno) couldn't be bothered carrying it any more. What a strange series of events.
Not sure what the craic with the Poll is, 2 people have voted "Not Me" when i just checked it 10 minutes ago, but yesterday the result was 1 person had voted "Me", which was kind of exciting, but its dissapeared now so who knows what that means.
On a final note, we just went to Asda, a couple of hours ago, and got a delicious looking chocolate torte reduced to 80p. I cant wait to eat it but we just had pie for tea and im too full.
Chocolate soon.
Last night i dreamt i kissed alex zane, Cha-chingggg. Didnt get to see any of his intimate fluid though. Pretty strange series of dreams last night like, including seeing a dog get clipped by a bus, but then just sort of vanishing, being in a very small (like the size of a shower cubicle) police station waiting room with lots of other people, aaand last but not least dumping a paste table outside someones house because we (whoever i was with, i dunno) couldn't be bothered carrying it any more. What a strange series of events.
Not sure what the craic with the Poll is, 2 people have voted "Not Me" when i just checked it 10 minutes ago, but yesterday the result was 1 person had voted "Me", which was kind of exciting, but its dissapeared now so who knows what that means.
On a final note, we just went to Asda, a couple of hours ago, and got a delicious looking chocolate torte reduced to 80p. I cant wait to eat it but we just had pie for tea and im too full.
Chocolate soon.
Monday, 18 May 2009
Im a rubbish detective
Its been 3 months (ish) since Valentines day, and im still no closer to discovering who sent me the roses.
I emailed Interflora and asked them about it, they said they couldn't reveal who it was without the person's permission which is totally understandable, but said that if thats what i wanted, they would ask. So of course i said yes, but it just turned out that "We are unable to contact the sender of the order".
Im not sure if that means the sender genuinely didn't leave any contact details, or maybe it means they left a number or something but they still couldn't be contacted, Or, if it was just Interflora's kind way of letting you down instead of saying "the sender said no". Its all very confusing. Im suprised how, i dunno, easily i've given up on this. When it first happened i was determined to find out who it was, but now i've kind of resigned myself to the fact that i might never know, which is a bit sad really! I guess i just figured that who ever it was would come forward at some point, by now at least. But oh well.
I guess, in conclusion, i do still really really want to know who it was, but i dont want to have to ask around, i want who ever it was to come forward.
Do you know what would be even better, if they'd send me something else, not like a gift or anything, but whoever it was has my address, maybe send me a letter, or a postcard, or, i dunno. Just something wierd, maybe a photo cut out of a magazine for example, or, a sweet wrapper, or some pencil shavings, or a poem, or a joke, or a tiny box with mysterious things in. Ahah oh crap, i am rambling. Ok. I'll shut it now. Feel free to participate in the poll, its anonymous.
I emailed Interflora and asked them about it, they said they couldn't reveal who it was without the person's permission which is totally understandable, but said that if thats what i wanted, they would ask. So of course i said yes, but it just turned out that "We are unable to contact the sender of the order".
Im not sure if that means the sender genuinely didn't leave any contact details, or maybe it means they left a number or something but they still couldn't be contacted, Or, if it was just Interflora's kind way of letting you down instead of saying "the sender said no". Its all very confusing. Im suprised how, i dunno, easily i've given up on this. When it first happened i was determined to find out who it was, but now i've kind of resigned myself to the fact that i might never know, which is a bit sad really! I guess i just figured that who ever it was would come forward at some point, by now at least. But oh well.
I guess, in conclusion, i do still really really want to know who it was, but i dont want to have to ask around, i want who ever it was to come forward.
Do you know what would be even better, if they'd send me something else, not like a gift or anything, but whoever it was has my address, maybe send me a letter, or a postcard, or, i dunno. Just something wierd, maybe a photo cut out of a magazine for example, or, a sweet wrapper, or some pencil shavings, or a poem, or a joke, or a tiny box with mysterious things in. Ahah oh crap, i am rambling. Ok. I'll shut it now. Feel free to participate in the poll, its anonymous.
Thursday, 14 May 2009
bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom
bom bom bom bom bom.
bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom bom
Mister Sandman, bring me a dream, make him the cutest that i've ever seen.
Good song. I particurlarly like the line "Mr Sandman, someone to hold, Would be so peachy before we're too old"
I really like the word Peachy, i might start slipping into everyday situations
bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom bom
Mister Sandman, bring me a dream, make him the cutest that i've ever seen.
Good song. I particurlarly like the line "Mr Sandman, someone to hold, Would be so peachy before we're too old"
I really like the word Peachy, i might start slipping into everyday situations
Tuesday, 12 May 2009
ATTENTION: SQUIRREL STRANGENESS
Ok. So the other day i was perusing Ebay, for a top hat, i had no intention to buy one really, but i have had a small obsession with top hats for a good few years, and i was bored. So i typed in "tophat".
This is the first thing that came up in the results
http://http//cgi.ebay.co.uk/Taxidermy-Wild-Grey-Squirrel-in-a-Tophat_W0QQitemZ280342272780QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUK_Collectables_AnimalCollectables_SM?hash=item280342272780&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1685%7C66%3A2%7C65%3A12%7C39%3A1%7C240%3A1318%7C301%3A1%7C293%3A1%7C294%3A50
First i laughed, then the horror/shock of this ridiculous item hit, now iv moved onto being quite scared. There's 4 days left and bidding starts at just £14.99 come on people, what are you waiting for?
Check out the sellers other items, there's also a squirrel on a motorbike, and one in a go-kart, They're equally good as these two wonderful specimens here.
Who is more fucked up, the guy making/selling them? Or the people buying them?
This is the first thing that came up in the results
http://http//cgi.ebay.co.uk/Taxidermy-Wild-Grey-Squirrel-in-a-Tophat_W0QQitemZ280342272780QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUK_Collectables_AnimalCollectables_SM?hash=item280342272780&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1685%7C66%3A2%7C65%3A12%7C39%3A1%7C240%3A1318%7C301%3A1%7C293%3A1%7C294%3A50
Which made me laugh quite a lot, and also think wtf. (it had 3 bids?!)
So i just came back to it to make this blog, and i thought hmm, wonder what else this person is selling, so i check out his list, there's a load of other taxidermy stuff, but there seems to be a recurring squirrel theme.
Then i came across the jackpot, in terms of just plain fucking weirdness.
Lades, Gentlemen, let me introduce you to "AMOROUS SQUIRRELS"
http://http//cgi.ebay.co.uk/Taxidermy-Wild-Grey-Amorous-Squirrels_W0QQitemZ280344136076QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUK_Collectables_AnimalCollectables_SM?hash=item280344136076&_trksid=p3911.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1683%7C66%3A2%7C65%3A12%7C39%3A1%7C240%3A1318%7C301%3A1%7C293%3A1%7C294%3A50#ebayphotohosting
First i laughed, then the horror/shock of this ridiculous item hit, now iv moved onto being quite scared. There's 4 days left and bidding starts at just £14.99 come on people, what are you waiting for?
Check out the sellers other items, there's also a squirrel on a motorbike, and one in a go-kart, They're equally good as these two wonderful specimens here.
Who is more fucked up, the guy making/selling them? Or the people buying them?
Monday, 4 May 2009
Last night
I had a dream about Gael Garcia Bernal. I was with this girl who was my friend and we were in a sort of cafe type place, and he was just sat with his friend, and we were just like "oh hey, there's Gael Garcia Bernal". It wasnt like really exciting or anything, we werent spazzing out at being in the same cafe as a celebrity or anything.
It was just wierd, dunno why i had a dream about him. That was basically the dream, nothing happened except he was with some friend and then they moved seats (not because of us though) um then the dream moved onto something else.
So, in conclusion, not that im complaining about having a dream about him, he is a ridiculously good looking bastard, just, i have no idea why i did.
It was just wierd, dunno why i had a dream about him. That was basically the dream, nothing happened except he was with some friend and then they moved seats (not because of us though) um then the dream moved onto something else.
So, in conclusion, not that im complaining about having a dream about him, he is a ridiculously good looking bastard, just, i have no idea why i did.
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