I never said that I was brave...

not with a bang but a whimper

I lay my head down on his chest and cried because had lived
because he had died
a dry ocean, a desert of emotion
happysad darklight sorrowjoy swept over me, under me
I could hear the sound but I could not understand the words
and then I realized the sound was me, breaking
in one moment I was feeling everything and I was feeling nothing
I was shattered, I was saved, I lost everything, I was given everything else
something in me died, something in me was born, I only knew
the girl was gone
whoever I was now, I would never be her again

this is the way
the world ends not with a bang but a whimper

Help!

Soo as it turns out, I am a massive, massive idiot.

I wrote a huge blog post the other night. I thought it would be kind of poignant to pour out my heart about my heart on Valentines day. I don't know how many words, but it was loooong and it took me hours and hours. Wasn't so much that I wanted people to read, just that it was time I got it out and I thought this was a good place.

ANYWAY

I somehow managed to delete the entire fucking thing. 

I don't even know how. I just know that after I had published it, I went to have a quick look at it, and I wanted to change the font or something stupid like that. 

Don't know what I did, or how, but I managed to erase everything except one fucking paragraph that I had somehow pasted. Then, knowing how blogger automatically saves as you are writing, every few minutes or so, I panicked. I think I left the page at that point hoping that it wouldn't save if I just closed the window entirely.

I think that's what happened. Something like that anyway.

So if anyone is good at this kind of stuff, is there any way at all that I can get it back?

I'm not good at this stuff (obviously) so you will have to explain like I'm 5. 

Helllllppppp!!!

It was so easy, and the words so sweet

Sooo...

...I just bought a ukulele off Amazon. It might not arrive for another week, but I'm dying to get my hands on it. Hopefully it wont suffer the same fate as my mandolin, the fate of my mandolin being sat in the corner of my room gathering (a lot of) dust.

As you were.

Hats with big ears

All I want

Gave this post that title because I only just discovered (well a few weeks ago) that the yeah yeah yeah's have a Christmas song, named so. I don't want to admit it, but I like the other all I want for Christmas more. Never thought I would see the day that I said I liked Mariah Carey over YYY's. The heart wants what it wants.

Its almost 1am, I woke up at about 10am this morning after going to sleep at 4. Sleeping pattern was starting to turn nocturnal, sleeping late and staying up late. In conclusion, I'm pretty surprised that I haven't just crashed by now. I think thats the point I was trying to make.

Got my hair cut last week. Not the most exciting news in the world, but it had gotten very very long, and the ends were getting pretty damaged and I only really got it cut because it needed cutting. Its still long I guess, but it feels short to me. Its what a wanted but I do kind of miss it now its gone, ha. I will miss random strangers stopping me in the street to ask "is that your real hair?!".

One last hair related anecdote, over the last year or so I've started going grey! Sounds more dramatic than it is, I actually only ever found three or four little ones lurking around my fringe, but a little while ago I found one, single, long grey hair mixed in with all the rest. Its pretty funny.

(before the cut!)

Now that its winter though, I get to cover my head with this bad boy! 

I've gathered a lot of hats lately. Really big hats with big ears attached. The picture of that one doesn't really do it justice, its absolutely huge in person. And fluffy. It actually reminds me of Roxy. I post the other hats later. 

Unrelated to everything else, but I watched a documentary on Netflix (I GOT NETFLIX RECENTLY. ITS CLASS) today called Brother's Keeper. I've mentioned it too late cause according to them, its only on there till today (the 15th) But it was really strange and interesting and I don't know what to make of it, so if anyone reading this has watched it, come forth so we can discuss it! Google it if you're intrigued, I could describe it myself right now but it probably wouldn't make any sense. 

Rambling now and not tying anything in this post together properly. Going to bed for 12 hours, 

T'rah!