Yes im drunk. And you're beautiful,

and tomorrow morning I'll be sober, but you'll still be beautiful

Its 12.16am. I should be asleep because I'm getting up early tomorrow. But about 10 minutes and 18 seconds ago, I decided I just wasn't ready for bed yet, even though I was a bit tired, I just wanted to stay up, just for 15 minutes more. I don't have the Internet at this point, maybe my bedroom is just too high up for the free signals. So I will paste this into blogger later, I guess theres really no reason for me to have added that, but heh, there you go, its there anyway. Iv played about 200 games of spider solitaire in the last week or so, and I'm bored of the other games, so I decided, just for my last 15 minutes, to watch some movie clippets.

First I had a go at the spongebob squarepants movie that I downloaded months ago, but I didn't realise till just a few weeks ago, the entire thing is in German. I thought it might be a laugh watching it for a bit though, And the intro in German is pretty damn amusing, but Its also pretty scary, German seems to me to sound really stern, as if they're just talking in capitals all the time, maybe it was just the film. It was funny though, but then I gave in and figured I didn't really want to watch it once it was a few minutes in. I don't want to watch "Les Chansons D'Amour" , because like a tool, the version I downloaded was obviously En Francais, but there was no subtitles, and there's no chance I could amble my way through it, when I only know about 10 french words. (Though a few weeks ago I decided I'm gonna watch the entire thing anyway, so I can pretend to be a bit cultured, and to see how much of the plot I could grasp without understanding the words) So I didn't want to/couldn't watch that, but I did really want a Garrel fix, so the next natural choice was The Dreamers.

So here I am, 10 minutes 18 seconds in, and it hit me how much I just fucking love it. Its so fucking weird, but its so beautiful as well, the scenes, cinematography, just everything. And I know there's loads more about it that I haven't "got" yet.
I remember when I started media studies in college, and one of the two media teachers saying that after taking the course "you wont ever be able to watch a film without dissecting it" cause you'll just notice and pick at all the little things you never noticed before. And he was right (I always notice when they cross the 180 degree line) But mainly I'm glad, cause finding all those little things, they're just little things that make you love whatever film your watching all the more.

Whatimneanersay is, I just am in love with this film, I love the way they cross cut it with all those old movie clips, and I'm going to love it even more when i actually watch all the films they've took the clips from. And I hope one day I'm as cool as Isabelle. (but not as fucked up)

So I wondered if this is my favourite film now. Its always been Edward scissorhands, for years. I don't know what my favourite, band, song, food, colour, drink, pair of shoes, breed of dog, time of day is, but I was always sure of Edward scissorhands, the Danny Elfman music, the pastel houses, the cars all leaving at the same time each day, the quidnunk neighbours, Edward just as a sweet character, the bittersweet ending. the overall magical feel, and iv loved it from the the first time I saw it. So its weird that it might not be my favourite anymore. But just a few minute of the dreamers and It completely changes my mind. Maybe its the streets of Paris that are making me fall in love with it, maybe if I went there and found out its not as good as I imagined, then I'd change my mind I don't know. Maybe its Louis and Eva that do it, maybe its Isabelle and Theo, and their fucking cool Frenchness, and the awkwardness of Matthew. A combination of all of the above i suppose.

Ahhhhh

long time, valentine

Hey, long time no blog! I said before I'd come back and explain, and the explanation is this: My mam cancelled our Internet, well the whole Internet/TV/phone dealie. Which is fair enough really, cause the TV channels were all shit apart from the odd one or two, and just generally its not worth the money. It didn't bother me too much cause I hardly used the phone anyway, but it was a bit annoying to lose the Internet. Anyway, luckily for me, I can get back on the odd time thanks to who ever it is in my street, (or the vicinity I guess) that has unsecured wireless Internet. I'm a bit nervous about it in case they know, (or find out) that I'm stealing their Internet, but then i figured, if they knew then they'd probably block me, or i dunno, secure their service or whatever. So i dont know if they know, but i do feel kind of guilty about it. Maybe its someone who knows but who's just being dead kind.

Anywayy, yeah, blah blah. That's why i haven't been on here in ages. I don't really have any updates to make except this one.

Someone sent me roses on valentines day. 12 red roses, in a massive bouquet with a big ribbon around. They were really beautiful. There was no name on the card, just a sort of cryptic Edgar Allen Poe quote. My mam said the quote was a bit deep, my friend thought it was a bit creepy and stalkerish, but me, being the gigantic soppy bastard that I am, kind of melted a bit inside.

I was upstairs in bed when they arrived, i wasn't asleep, i was just watching a film. But consequently I didn't hear the door, I thought briefly that I did, but when I muted the sound, I didn't hear anything again so I just figured I was imagining it, and went back to whatever I was watching. Then about 10 minutes later, my mam who'd been in her room as well, shouted me, then she came in my room with one of those things they put through the door when they try to deliver a parcel and your not home. It said it was from interflora, and that they'd left my delivery with next door. So I was a bit miffed at this point, obviously someone had sent me flowers, but I kind of just sat gaping at the card for five minutes before I could really do anything. Anyway, I waited a while before I went to collect them, but then when I did, the neighbours had gone out, D'oh. Then about half an hour later they must have came back, cause the nice middle aged guy brought them to the door, joking "should i get down on one knee?" as he passed me them. I mean, I knew i was getting flowers, but I definitely didn't expect flowers of that magnitude. I was just completely taken aback when I actually seen them.

So now there's this. Figuring out a way to find out who sent me them. I decided at the start that I would leave it a while, a few weeks, before I tried to find out. Because I kind of liked the mystique, it was a bit annoying sometimes, but mostly I liked not knowing. I want to find out now though, cause its been long enough and it will just annoy me forever now if i never find out who it was. So in my sleuthing, I've concluded there are only 3 guys who I know for sure have my address/know where I live. That said, although that's 3 suspects, I really cant imagine any one of those would be the one who sent me roses. So I'm back to where I started. Maybe its someone who I haven't even thought about, who's just slipped through. But I don't even have that many male friends really (or even female ones for that matter!) And also I haven't lived in this house for very long, since the start of September I think, so that gets rid of the chance of it being someone who's lived near me for ages.It was such a gorgeous thing, but now I need to know who it was. Maybe one of the reasons I liked not knowing, was because I might have found out they were from someone who I don't feel the same way about, and now I'll have to have the awkward "I'm really sorry but I don't like you that way" talk, which isn't nice for either party, but might need to be done. On the other hand, they could be from someone I really like. So I definitely need to know, because either way, I guess it needs confronting.

At first, the idea of someone sending them as just a really nice gesture, just as something nice to do, to make me smile, cause I'd mentioned that I'd never received a valentines gift before, just didn't seem viable in my mind, cause if you seen the roses, you'd know they weren't just roses to raise a smile and make you feel good. You don't send roses like that unless you really mean it. And I stuck to that theory for a while, and I still 90% believe it, but, being a Libra, I'm reconsidering a little bit. Then again, just writing that out, I realise yeah, generally I'm still sticking with that, but i guess I can still never really know if that's just what they were. Phew!

Ok, nearly done. I just wanted to add two more things, First thing, if whoever sent me the roses is reading this, then, please, please, let me know who you are. Even just a clue! For me? Please? Send me an email, send me a text, send me a postcard, send me a whole book of Edgar Allen Poe quotes, just, get in touch, before my head explodes.

Second thing, about the last blog I wrote before the last one, the one where I signed out by saying boxes of chocolates and teddybears and roses, "and all that tacky crap"

Well, I guess I should really apologize to the mystery person who sent me such lovely flowers, I take back that I think they're tacky. I didn't even realise I'd said that until my friend pointed it out, "err didn't you say in your blog that roses were tacky?"
I cant really describe what I meant without going into another massive long paragraph, I guess I just meant what the inside of card shops look like a week before valentines, was tacky. When I worked in Card Factory last valentines, my heart broke a little more with every giant card that came through my till, I was gutted that someone would give something so horrible to someone they actually love. Anyway, in conclusion, I don't think roses are tacky, unless they're made of plastic. Right, that about covers it all. Note to self, make shorter blogs next time.